29 August 2007

Baby Ainsley 365: The High Point Of The Day

This will come as no surprise to anyone who's read this blog even semi-regularly. But I have to say it again: even the worst days can be made better by feeding my daughter and putting her down to sleep. I wouldn't trade anything for that pleasure.

It's been a rough month or so. Lots of stuff has been happening that's been less than positive, and some of it is ongoing. Finances are tight, due to some adjustments we didn't see coming and a few mistakes we've made along the way. Summer is over and I'm wondering how in the hell that happened so quickly: did I sleep through June or something? I'm restructuring some of my priorities at the church to meet some needs that have been identified through this summer's evaluations by our church council. But we are healthy and happy and our family feels tight to me, like we belong to each other in all the good ways a family should belong to each other.

(Speaking of family, Beloved just drove up and wanted a glass of wine ready when she got home. BRB)

Okay, Beloved is be-wined and I'm be-back. :-)

The point I was making is that recently I've not posted much beyond memes, sermons and links. Looking back it seems a desperate attempt to hide behind a flurry of activity: if I throw lots of shit onto the blog, maybe that means I'm still alive and kicking! This from a guy who's been preaching about slowing down and paying attention, that sometimes one more activity isn't the answer to our problems. Physician, heal thyself!

Sunday's gospel text is one in which I think Jesus is speaking with heavy satire about our propensity for narcissism. I'm playing with the sermon title, "An 'I' in Humility" as a means of drawing out the wholeness and self-realization which Christ desires to create in us. To be wrapped up in being "more humble" is just another way of being wrapped up in what others think of us: I get the sense that Jesus wants us to realize that we were created for more important things than what others think, positive or negative.

I need to remind myself that living authentically in my own skin is an important part of following Jesus, that false humility is as hypocritical and spiritually dangerous as despair or pride. To know myself better, to look within and call myself what I am - that is one characteristic of discipleship I need to emphasize if I'm going to be a better husband, father and pastor.

I'm listening to Dune by Frank Herbert right now, and I'm more intrigued than ever by the awareness and consciousness displayed by Paul Atreides. Even though it's fiction, I wonder: could I train myself toward that level of conscious existence, where fear blows through me and only I remain? Something to consider.

Anyway, I feel like I'm drawing back toward being "me" again - that my compass is again fixed where lately it's been wandering. Now, as to the course being charted for me? Who knows? But the voyage awaits, nonetheless, and I'm anxious to be under way.

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