12 January 2010

Process for the Exorcising* of Negative Energy and Anger

  1. Drive to your gymnasium or exercise facility. If you're not a member, join.
  2. Punish an elliptical machine with 5-10 minutes of furious work. You will know when the machine in question has been sufficiently punished when the people to either side of you start to look at you with concern bridging on anxiety.
  3. Run three miles while watching a basketball game in which you are not personally invested (in my case, Ohio State v. Purdue. Probably not a good idea for you Buckeyes and Boilermakers).
  4. Cover all digital displays with your sweat towel and use the monotony of the run to free your mind to mentally process the situation from which all anger and negativity arises.
  5. While still running, arrive at a solution that seems reasonable, then develop action steps designed to bring about the desired solution.
  6. If, after three miles, steps three and four have not been completed, repeat those steps as many times as necessary. Keep in mind this may take a while.
  7. Immediately proceed to the sauna, allowing the heat and sweat to purge your body of any remaining toxins, including any lingering bits of anger that continue to cloud your judgment. If this step requires more than thirty minutes to complete, you may have rushed steps 3-5. If so, back to the treadmill you go. Hydrate first.
  8. Shower, go to the day care area, hug your daughters, kiss your wife, go home, eat supper and enjoy a night of Bible study with three college students whose company you enjoy.
  9. Blog.
  10. Beer.

Grace & peace,

*Pun ABSOLUTELY intended.

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