Healthy, Holy Critique

"You don't listen."

Not the kind of thing a pastor likes to hear less than two months into a new call - but it's what I heard this afternoon.

This is not another working-in-the-church-means-sometimes-putting-up-with-assholes post; I don't do those anymore (at least, not where people can figure out the name of the asshole in question). This one hurt because it was a genuine problem caused by a lot of different stuff, some of which was wholly and entirely my fault. When someone comes to you with one problem, and you probe a bit into another that you've kinda felt building, and suddenly, the someone is in tears? That's when a pastor knows there's a major problem that needs fixing - NOW.

Thanks be to God, we did talk and forgiveness was offered and received well on both sides. That's the "Healthy, Holy" part of this post's title. It's one thing to go to a forum on spirituality in the morning and talk about how it's hard for the church to trust each other anymore. It's another thing to do the kind of work that creates space for rebuilding broken trust. That's why I feel exhausted this afternoon - because I've been working, and the conversation and its repercussions are going to last a while. That's the tough part of this ministry gig.

The good part? Hearing these words at the end of the conversation: "I didn't expect this to go so well." Surprising someone by simply being willing to admit your mistakes kinda feels good, like you're not only rebuilding trust in yourself, but in everyone who's going to mess up after you. Maybe that's the lasting effect of genuine repentance - creating the hope that others will be able to do the same in the future.