Yeah, so it wasn't the best morning ever today.
During our announcements, I made a comment, in jest, that I would never, ever, in a million years, say in public - except for this morning, for reasons only known to God and my freaking mouth. It was one of those moments when you hear what you've said and you think, "Holy mother of God, did I really just say that?"
I felt absolutely horrible. What had been, up to that moment, a wonderful worship service, including an incredible sermon by our friend K, went into "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?" mode in about three nanoseconds. After letting one of our students make an announcement, I stammered an apology to everyone present and asked for forgiveness. Then I somehow staggered through the rest of the day.
Thankfully, I serve a very gracious community; at least, those who were present were gracious. There might actually be some consequences to this. I hope not, and I don't think it'll come to that, but the possibility exists. Regardless, it was a thoughtless, stupid and offensive remark with which I'm going to be suffering personally for quite a while.
A few weeks ago, our president did something similar on the Jay Leno show. I thought at the time that he did exactly the right thing: he apologized publicly, quickly, and completely. I've tried to do the same thing today, and from what I can tell, the apology has been heard and accepted.
The worst thing, though? I have to live with myself after having said something absolutely out of line. Again. I only wish this were the first time I've done something like this, and unfortunately, knowing my propensity for quick comments that sound funny in my head but are hurtful, stupid or outright offensive, this likely won't be the last time, either. "Like a dog that returns to its vomit," says Proverbs 26.11, "so is a fool who returns to his folly." *sigh* At this point, I wish I'd given up folly for Lent instead of meat. So goes another day in the life of a sinner. Thank heaven for K's sermon this morning, reminding us that God forgives and forgets. Now for the hard work of doing the same for myself.
Grace & peace,
Scott
The pic is from despair.com, which sells "Demotivational" stuff that is riotously funny. Finding it to go with this post did bring a smile to my face - hope it does the same for you.
(((you)))
ReplyDeleteI totally, totally understand. Be kind to yourself, and allow yourself to be forgiven.
ReplyDelete(PS that might make you smile: I won't re-type it here, but the word veri for this comment is totally and completely dirty. What kid of pervs are running blogger these days? ;) )
Luckily grace applies to even the most divinely ordained, and the rest of us too. Try not to dwell in shame but give yourself permission to receive the grace.
ReplyDelete